so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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