seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
