my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
