You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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