You can't special order awesome
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
