I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
