i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
