He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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