i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
