you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
