he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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