just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
