My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
