Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
