My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I want to make a zoo with you.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
