Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
