what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
