Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
