His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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