the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
