it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
