3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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