sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
