Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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