i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
