Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
