I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
