I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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