am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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