i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
