I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
