Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
