Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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