Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
