i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
