My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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