so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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