If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
