I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
