Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
