I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize