i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
