How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize