So drunk, too bad you don't want this
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
