i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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