R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
