Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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