My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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