In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
