Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
