"it" just moved
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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