Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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