Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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