You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
