please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
