I'm going to jail i love you
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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