so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
