On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
