so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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