she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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