We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
