I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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