I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
