youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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