Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
