Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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