some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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