Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so that wasnt chicken after all
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
