I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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