No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Two words: nipple clamps
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