Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
