What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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