Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
