I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
