Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
