is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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