She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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