I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
