I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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