normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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