the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize