That's when you crack a 10am beer
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
