I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize