I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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